News

Long time I wanted to make a radical change in my life and somehow making me face up and overcomes out some of my fears and barriers many of them created only through my head. After nearly a year trying to go to England alone, I finally managed to sign up a Au Pair agency and I hope that by the end of the year to move to UK, it took months but today I can say that I made a big step in my life.

I know it will not be easy and will have to adapt to a lot, but I am aware of the challenges that will have to face starting with the language despite knowing some things'm not fluent and this is where I will probably have the biggest challenge, because if I want to integrate myself I will have to speak English fluently, or at least make the others understand me and understand the others, then comes the challenge for me to go alone, the fact that no have there anyone from family or friends, for many people is frightening to me also, but I'll be honest I am viewing it as an adventure and that going alone is what excite me more than if you were with someone or had there a family member or friend, but at the same time scared because I know that if I need something, I have to extricate myself without the support of anyone beside me. But regardless of all I know that I will do to break boundaries and go make me grow and expand horizons, and I know that I will raise a lot of experience and I learn a lot, which possibly give me more solid foundation for the future, but above all and without a doubt it will be an adventure that will mark me for life.

Besides not forgotten that I still have other goals such as take care of my body and put it back healthy, which for me is undoubtedly my number one goal, but it has been hard because I know that I still have many barriers not only language (because the possible offers of help are not from my country) but also personal hindering me my goals, so I face this adventure with more enthusiasm because I know that I can help a lot in the near future.

Till the next news :)

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Á muito tempo que queria fazer uma mudança radical na minha vida e de alguma forma fazer com que eu enfrenta-se e ultrapassa-se alguns dos meus medos e barreiras muitas delas criadas apenas pela minha cabeça. Após quase um ano a tentar ir para Inglaterra sozinha, consegui finalmente inscrever-me numa agencia de Aupair  e espero que até ao final do ano mudar-me para terras de sua majestade de malas e bagagens, demorou meses mas hoje posso dizer que dei um grande passo na minha vida.

Sei que não vai ser fácil  e vou ter que me adaptar a muita coisa , mas estou consciente dos desafios que vou ter que enfrentar a começar pela língua que apesar de saber algumas coisas não sou fluente e é aí que vou ter provavelmente o maior desafio , pois se vou querer integrar-me vou ter que falar Inglês fluentemente , ou pelo menos de maneira a que eu intenda o que me estão a dizer e que os outros me intendam também, depois vem o desafio de eu ir sozinha o facto de não ter lá ninguém de família ou amigos, para muita gente é amedrontador, para mim também o é, mas vou ser sincera estou a encarar como uma aventura e o facto de ir sozinha está me a entusiasmar mais do que se fosse com alguém ou tivesse lá algum familiar ou amigo, mas ao mesmo tempo assusta porque sei  que se eu necessitar de alguma coisa, vou ter de me desenrascar sem o apoio de ninguém que me é próximo ao meu lado. Mas independentemente de tudo sei que isto me vai fazer quebrar barreiras e vai-me fazer crescer e expandir horizontes, e sei que vou arrecadar muita experiencia e vou aprender muita coisa , que possivelmente me darão bases mais solidas para o futuro, mas acima de tudo e sem duvida alguma vai ser uma aventura que me vai marcar para a vida.

Além do mais não me esqueci que ainda tenho outros objetivos tais como tratar do meu corpo e pô-lo de novo saudável que para mim é sem duvida o meu objetivo numero um, mas tem sido difícil porque sei que ainda tenho muitas barreiras não só linguísticas porque as possíveis ofertas de ajuda não são do meu país, mas também pessoais  que me dificultam os meus objetivos, por isso encaro esta aventura com mais entusiasmo por que sei que me pode ajudar e muito num futuro próximo.

Até as próximas novidades :)

Am I asking too much?

Neste momento apenas consigo ver a vida a passar-me a frente dos olhos, não consigo esconder o quanto me aflige estar nesta situação e mesmo assim não conseguir atuar, é como se uma parte de mim quisesse andar mas a outra parte não. Para muita gente talvez isto seja estupido , talvez digam que há pessoas em pior situação que eu , mas eu não consigo ultrapassar isto, não consigo põr de parte todos estes anos de sofrimento e dor, não posso pôr de lado tudo por que passei , não posso e também não consigo, é difícil e mais difícil é quando o teu corpo tem as marcas desse sofrimento, é como uma memoria constante que te faz sempre regredir ao passado , e isso acontece todos os dias pois essas marcas essas lembranças estão cravadas no meu corpo e fazem-me todos os dias voltar ao passado, fazem-me todos os dias viver lá no passado.

Queria muito ultrapassar isto mas não consigo , eu sei que só o vou conseguir fazer assim que volte a ter um corpo normal, sem tantas lembranças e marcas do passado. Estou cansada de sobreviver assim , quero viver, quero me sentir livre, quero finalmente sentir-me bem comigo mesma. Será que estou a pedir muito?

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At this time only I can see life pass me the front of the eyes, I can not hide how much it pains me to be in this situation and I still can not act, it's like a part of me wanted to go but the other part of me not .For many people maybe this is stupid, may say that there are people worse off than me, but I can not get through this, I can not put aside all these years of suffering and pain, can not put aside everything I went through,, is difficult, and the harder it is when your body has the marks of suffering, is like a constant memory that always makes you regress to the past, and it happens every day because these brands these memories are crimped in my body and make me every day return to the past, make me every day to live there in the past.I really wanted to get through this but it's almost impossible, I know I will only be able to do it when I have a normal body without so many memories and marks of the past. I'm tired of surviving this way, want to live, I want to feel free, I want to finally be able to feel good about myself. Am I asking too much?

My Story

My name is Joana and I'm 27 years old, I live in the city of Porto in Portugal and this is my story.

During depart to mine own childhood I was always the girl who had a little overweight, but nothing that was very serious or something that was a problem, I did physical exercise, riding bikes, later discovered the dance which made me enter in the school dance club. I was a happy girl, a little shy but always with a smile on my face.

But everything changed when the excess weight began to control my life, at first I do not realized, I started to have more appetite, and  gradually and despite all the exercise I was doing, to gain weight. In the beginning do not give much importance only started to really give importance when I started to suffer comments and insults in relation to my weight. And that's where it all starts, I began to be ashamed of the things I did, I began to be ashamed of the clothes I was wearing, I began to be ashamed of myself.

Always remember to be dieting, I think there is no type of diet that I have not done, later went to the diet pills always accompanied by physical exercise, but without any results.

And that's when things start to get worse, I left to go to the beach, I left the club dances that was what I enjoyed most, I started gradually to isolate me from everyone and everything because I could not deal with the comments, with insults, with the jokes that I was victim, all this for me was too much.

I remember gradually stopped doing the things I like because I stopped having glad to do them, and though always with a smile on my face and always try to integrate myself with others but I was not happy.

Years later and after many doctors, many diets and many diagnoses, doctors discover what makes me overweight and the diagnosis was Cushing's Disease is an endocrine disorder caused by high levels of glucocorticoids , particularly cortisol , in blood .A cause can be exogenous ( external , by application of drugs ) or endogenous ( internal , by disrupting the body itself ) . Cushing's syndrome of endogenous origin are rare, occurring only 10 cases per year every 1,000,000 people.
The Cushing's disease is a type of ACTH-dependent Cushing's syndrome caused by a benign tumor (adenoma) in the pituitary gland responsible for the production of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). As it was a benign tumor in the pituitary and the only solution was to be operated.

I was 19 yearswhen I have my first surgery already with 122kg, the operation went well, but they could not cure me and only at the third attempt  was when I cured.

Despite all the expectations I just got off of 122kg to 115kg. It was the slowest recovery process and painful of my life and more painful was when I could still not lose weight. After seeing that my case needed extra help the doctors decide to do me a gastric by-pass so that I can lose the weight I lacked lose.

Today at age 27 after this slow process I just want to be happy and forget everything I've been through, but I cant do it , because I have the Overweight marks on my body, I have the marks of a disease that did not leave me be happy for years. For years I was deprived of being a normal girl, to make a normal life, I felt ashamed of myself, I felt so ashamed that I almost never left the house except to go to school. Today I have already exceeded almost all of these fears all the shame but not get to do one hundred percent because of these marks on my body. And that's why I have this blog not only to show my history but also because I need Help.

In the country where I live medicine is practically free to those in need, but also very slow, my entire proces were necessary years since the process of diagnosis until the situation now. And unfortunately many of the marks that I have in my body and I want to take, they regard as aesthetic treatments, so I have to do them in private hospitals that take a lot of money for these surgerys, I just want to remove the excess skin that I I have, I want to remove some marks that I have due to overweight and operations that I did, and I want to do a hair transplant because at this point I have almost no hair.

I need it to finally have a happy life, free from prejudice, shame and old ghosts that were due to the bullying that I was victim. Today just want to have new experiences and live life like never lived, I want to be a normal girl and have a normal life, I cant go to the beach without shame of my body, I cant wear a skirt, a dress or shorts without worrying with anything. I want to be able to do what I want with my hair, because today the only concern I have is to disguise the huge hair loss I have.

I know I have no serious illness and I'm not dying, but all my life I have suffered because of overweight and suffer today because of the marks I have in my body. A part of my life was practically erased because of that, and today still suffer because of all that I went through. I just want to somehow be able to move on and redo my life, I want start a new chapter in my life, with more self-esteem in me, with more confidence.
I know that if anyone can help me I know that my whole life will change, and I want this change, I was always the girl who did not leave home, never going anywhere, I'm 27 years but never got out of my country, never did vacation, never flew, the first concert was relatively a few months, and I know that if I make this change I will gain strength and confidence to do things I've never done and I want to do but for that I know that I need help and that's why I'm here. If you know someone, or know someone who knows someone or something who can help me, please show him/her/it my story and help me, I just want to be a normal girl I just want be really happy :)

And that's when things start to get worse, I left to go to the beach, I left the club dances that was what I enjoyed most, I started gradually to isolate me from everyone and everything because I could not deal with the comments, with insults, with the jokes that I was victim, all this for me was too much. I remember gradually stop doing the things I like because I stopped having happy to make them,