Neste momento apenas consigo ver a vida a passar-me a frente dos olhos, não consigo esconder o quanto me aflige estar nesta situação e mesmo assim não conseguir atuar, é como se uma parte de mim quisesse andar mas a outra parte não. Para muita gente talvez isto seja estupido , talvez digam que há pessoas em pior situação que eu , mas eu não consigo ultrapassar isto, não consigo põr de parte todos estes anos de sofrimento e dor, não posso pôr de lado tudo por que passei , não posso e também não consigo, é difícil e mais difícil é quando o teu corpo tem as marcas desse sofrimento, é como uma memoria constante que te faz sempre regredir ao passado , e isso acontece todos os dias pois essas marcas essas lembranças estão cravadas no meu corpo e fazem-me todos os dias voltar ao passado, fazem-me todos os dias viver lá no passado.
Queria muito ultrapassar isto mas não consigo , eu sei que só o vou conseguir fazer assim que volte a ter um corpo normal, sem tantas lembranças e marcas do passado. Estou cansada de sobreviver assim , quero viver, quero me sentir livre, quero finalmente sentir-me bem comigo mesma. Será que estou a pedir muito?
At this timeonlyI canseelifepass methefront of the eyes, I can not hidehow muchit pains me tobe in this situationandI stillcan notact, it's like a part of mewanted togobut the otherpart of menot.For many peoplemaybe this isstupid, may say thatthere are peopleworse offthan me, butI can notget through this, I can not putaside alltheseyears of suffering andpain,can not putaside everythingI went through,, is difficult, andthe harder it iswhen your bodyhasthe marksofsuffering,is like a constantmemorythatalwaysmakes youregressto the past,and it happensevery daybecause thesebrandsthese memoriesarecrimped inmy body andmake meevery dayreturn to the past, make meevery dayto live therein the past.I really wanted toget through thisbut it's almost impossible, I know I willonlybe able to do it when I have a normalbody withoutso many memoriesandmarks of the past. I'm tiredof survivingthis way, want to live, I want to feel free, I want to finally be able tofeelgood about myself. Am Iaskingtoo much?
My name isJoanaand I'm 27years old,I livein the cityof Porto inPortugalandthis is mystory.
Duringdepart to mine ownchildhoodI was alwaysthe girl whohad a littleoverweight,butnothing that wasvery serious or something that was a problem, I didphysical exercise, riding bikes, later discoveredthe dancewhich made meenter in theschool danceclub.I wasa happy girl, a littleshybut always with asmile on my face.
Buteverything changedwhen theexcess weightbegan to controlmy life, at first I do notrealized, I startedto havemoreappetite, and gradually anddespite all theexerciseI was doing, to gain weight. In the beginningdo not give muchimportanceonlystarted to reallygiveimportancewhenI startedto suffercommentsandinsultsin relationto myweight.Andthat's whereit all starts, I began to be ashamedof thethings I did, I began to be ashamedof theclothes Iwas wearing, I began to be ashamedof myself.
Alwaysrememberto bedieting, I think there is notype ofdiet thatI have not done, laterwenttothediet pillsalways accompanied byphysical exercise, butwithoutany results.
And that'swhenthings start toget worse, I left to goto the beach, I left the clubdances thatwas whatI enjoyed most, I started graduallyto isolatemefrom everyone and everythingbecause I could notdeal with thecomments, withinsults, withthe jokesthat I wasvictim, all thisfor mewas too much.
I remembergraduallystopped doingthe things I likebecause I stoppedhavingglad todo them,andthough alwayswith asmile on my faceandalways try tointegratemyselfwith others butIwas not happy.
Years laterand after manydoctors,many dietsandmany diagnoses, doctors discoverwhatmakes meoverweight and the diagnosis was Cushing's Disease is an endocrine disorder caused by high levels of glucocorticoids , particularly cortisol , in blood .A cause can be exogenous ( external , by application of drugs ) or endogenous ( internal , by disrupting the body itself ) . Cushing's syndrome of endogenous origin are rare, occurring only 10 cases per year every 1,000,000 people. The Cushing's disease is a type of ACTH-dependent Cushing's syndrome caused by a benign tumor (adenoma) in the pituitary gland responsible for the production of adrenocorticotropic hormone (ACTH). As it was a benign tumor in the pituitary and the only solution was to be operated.
I was 19yearswhen I have myfirst surgery alreadywith122kg, the operation went well, but they could notcuremeandonly at the third attempt was when I cured.
Despite all theexpectationsI justgot offof122kgto115kg. It wasthe slowestrecovery processand painfulof my lifeand more painfulwas whenI couldstillnotlose weight.Afterseeingthat my caseneededextra helpthe doctorsdecide todome agastricby-passso that Ican losethe weightI lackedlose.
Todayat age 27after thisslow processI justwant to be happyand forgeteverythingI've been through, but I cant do it , because I havetheOverweightmarks on mybody, I have the marks of adisease thatdid not leavemebehappyfor years.For yearsI wasdeprived ofbeing a normalgirl,to make anormal life, I felt ashamed of myself, I felt so ashamedthat I almostnever left the houseexcept togo toschool.TodayI have already exceededalmost all of thesefearsallthe shamebut notget to doone hundred percentbecause of thesemarks on mybody.And that's whyI havethisblognot onlyto show myhistorybutalso becauseI need Help.
In the countrywhere I livemedicine ispracticallyfreetothose in need,but also veryslow, my entireproces werenecessaryyears sincethe process ofdiagnosisuntil thesituationnow.Andunfortunatelymany of the marksthat I havein my bodyandIwant to take, they regard asaesthetictreatments, so I have to dothem inprivate hospitalsthat takea lot of moneyforthese surgerys, I just want toremove the excessskin thatII have, I want to removesome marks thatI havedueto overweightandoperationsthatI did,and I want todoa hair transplantbecause at this pointI havealmostno hair.
I need itto finallyhave a happy life, free from prejudice,shameandold ghoststhatweredue to thebullyingthat I wasvictim. Todayjust want to havenew experiencesand live lifelike neverlived, I want to bea normal girland have a normallife, Icantgo to the beachwithoutshameof my body, I cantwear a skirt, a dress orshortswithout worryingwithanything.I want tobe able todo what I wantwith my hair, because todaythe onlyconcern I haveis to disguisethe hugehair lossI have.
I know I havenoserious illnessandI'mnot dying, butall my lifeI have sufferedbecause ofoverweight andsuffertodaybecauseof the marks I have in mybody.Apart of my lifewaspracticallyerasedbecause of that,and todaystill sufferbecause ofall thatI went through. I just want tosomehowbe able tomove on andredomylife, I wantstart anew chapterin my life, withmore self-esteem in me, with more confidence. I knowthat if anyonecanhelp meI knowthat my wholelifewillchange, and I want this change, I was always the girl whodid notleave home, nevergoing anywhere, I'm 27yearsbut nevergot out of mycountry, never didvacation, neverflew, the first concertwas relativelya few months, andI knowthatif I makethis changeI willgain strength andconfidence to dothingsI've never doneandI want to dobut for thatI knowthat I need helpand that's whyI'm here.If you knowsomeone, orknowsomeonewho knows someone or something whocan help me, please showhim/her/it mystoryand help me, I just want to be a normal girl I just want be really happy :)